What's your craziest camping story
Anecdotes and travel jokes
Anyone who travels has something to talk about and a lot to laugh about. And because laughter is healthy, it follows that traveling is healthy too. So be wise in good time. It's high time! Travel, travel! (based on Wilhelm Busch 1832-1908)
Traveling brings with it that situations and stories arise again and again that invite you to smile and laugh. If you are not fully conversant with the local language, wonderful misunderstandings arise and cultural differences can lead to one or two faux pas. No wonder, there are countless travel jokes to be found.
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© Text and photos: Andreas Zimmermann
Funny travel stories to make you smile
The problem with the box
After a long journey, quite a bit of material had accumulated. In any case, the costs for excess baggage on the plane would have been quite expensive, so I decided to send the goods home by ship. This can take two to three months, but it was quite cheap. Here in Switzerland you go to the post office and buy a suitable cardboard box. So that's what I wanted to do at Whistler Mountain. So I asked the nice clerk about a box. It's not that easy, she said she couldn't just give everyone a box. "Where do you live? I need a valid address from you". But these are strange customs, I thought. Why does the post office need an address from me? I only need a cardboard box. So the conversation went back and forth for a while, until I realized that the clerk was giving me a P.O. Box, so I wanted to sell a PO box. The supermarket is responsible for cardboard boxes, where I received a suitable used copy free of charge.
On the Camino Francés, the Way of St. James in Spain, Ursula, Marie and I stopped at the Monasterio de Samos, one of the oldest monasteries in Europe. We wanted to visit this monastery so that Marie could get information quickly. As a result, she reported that the monastery was unfortunately not open to the public, but the church opened its door for mass at 7.30 p.m. The highlight is a performance by singing monkeys. We should definitely not miss this. Singing monkeys in a church is really very unusual, I thought. Something definitely can't be right. It then turned out that she had confused the English word "monk" for monk with "monkey" for monkey. Everything was back in order and we enjoyed the Gregorian chants of the monks.
At the back of the Denali National Park is the Wonderlake with its campsite of the same name. Every evening an international group of diverse people gathered at the refuge to celebrate a party. Everyone who could have contributed something to it. There was played guitar and harmonica, we made fresh popcorn ourselves on our gasoline stove and two English women were busy making tea. The question remains unforgettable to me: "Would you like some drops of fresh milk in your tea?" The two had actually taken a massive, heavy glass bottle with milk from England and pulled it out of their rucksack.
A beer please
One is not even aware of how many guest workers from Spain once earned their living in Switzerland. I have experienced the following story in Spain several times, not in tourist strongholds but in very remote places: I go to the restaurant, take out my best Spanish and say: "Una cerveza por favor", so a beer please, whereupon the waiter in the best Deutsch answers: "Would you like a big or a small one".
After our canoe trip on the Yukon River, we still had four weeks to fly home. So we decided to fly to Brooks Camp in Katmai National Park to take photos of bears. Since a stay at the lodge would have strained our budget, we did it like most other photographers and settled down comfortably at the campsite. The latest hero stories were then told around the campfire in the evening. After a few days my brother Christian had had enough of taking photos of the bear. But there are other things to discover in the forest, for example mushrooms. Lying on the ground, he was busy taking macro shots of mushrooms, not knowing that he was lying in the middle of a beaten path. When something suddenly obscured the sun and took the beautiful light from its mushroom, he realized that it was not a cloud that was pushing itself in front of the sun, but a bear bending over him. A slow roll in the bushes gave the bear his right of way back and Christian was annoyed that instead of the ultra-wide angle, the macro lens was on his camera. This story earned him the nickname Kamikaze photographer in the camp.
In all of my travels I have always met exceptionally hospitable people without exception. On my first trip, but not yet able to speak English, I made a mistake that could almost be described as a classic. When I said goodbye, I thanked my new friends profusely for their "hostility" instead of "hospitality". Fortunately, this mistake did not lead to anger, but to a hearty fit of laughter.
Selection of collected travel jokes
Tower: what is your height and position? Pilot: I'm 1.78 meters tall and sit in the front left of the cockpit.
The Eskimo proudly says to his guest: "We also have four seasons - June, July, August and ... winter!"
Two polar bears wander through the desert. Says one to the other: "Man oh man, they must have damn icy winters here when they have to scatter so much sand!"
A tourist in Scotland toured Loch Ness in the hope of encountering the monster Nessie. Finally he asked the guide: "When does the monster usually appear?" Then this: "Usually after five scotch."
Question: What do you do when you get lost in an Icelandic forest? Answer: You get up again!
An Englishman is on vacation in Bavaria. When he passes a farm, he meets a farmhand and yells: "Hello Mister!" Then the servant: "I'm not the mister, I'm the milker!"
Walter is on vacation in Scotland. He asks a local: "What do you think of Scots jokes?" - "This should be used very, very sparingly!"
In Iceland: Does one volcano say to the other: Is it okay if I smoke?
A Scot is standing at the hotel reception looking for a room. He asks the concierge about the price: "Up to the second floor a room costs £ 40, the third £ 30 and a room on the top floor costs £ 20." The Scot ponders and replies: "Thank you for your efforts, but your hotel is too low for me!"
McDonald comes home from work completely out of breath and angry. His wife asks him why he is so angry. He replies: I just missed the bus and then ran right behind him all the way home! - Be happy, replies his wife, you have saved 50p in the fare! - Yes, yes, but if I had run after a taxi I would have saved £ 5!
You are in Canada and meet a bear. How do you find out if it's a black bear or a brown bear? - Climb the next tree as quickly as possible. If the bear follows you, it is a black bear. But if he stays at the bottom and shakes the tree until you fall down, then it is a brown bear.
How do the recipes start in Scottish cookbooks? Borrow ...
Two Scots meet in the city. Says one to the other: "I bought a new comb, the old one broke off a tine." The other: "If a tine breaks, you don't have to buy a new comb!" "Yes, it was the last ..."
The Bedouin comes back to his desert oasis after his visit to England. "Well, how was it in England?" asks his wife. "Just wonderful. It just rained the whole time!"
Dear Icelanders! You misunderstood. We said: Give us cash. Not: Give us ash.
Mike, a young Scot, had spent a few days off in London. Later a friend asked him how it was. "Very nice," he replied cautiously. "But they are weird people down there." "How come?" "One night, very late, a man suddenly drummed on my door, yelling and raging and acting like a madman. At two o'clock in the morning." "And what have you done?" "Nothing at all. I continued to play my bagpipes very calmly."
A German is on vacation in Barcelona. A Spaniard calls out to him in a friendly manner: "Buenos dias!" He waves it away with regret: "Thank you very much, I don't need it. I take photos myself."
American beer is a successful attempt to dilute water.
Mr. Müller comes back from vacation. At the airport the customs officer asks him: "Cigarettes? Cigars? Schnapps? Coffee? Tea?" Then Mr. Müller: "Thank you very much, no need, I already have plenty of everything in my luggage."
A German in Italy in a restaurant: "I would like a bottle of Vino rosso della casa, but the red one please."
"Have you already made plans for your vacation?" - "I don't need: My wife determines where, my boss determines when and my bank calculates how long!"
The hotelier to the departing guest: "Don't you think you would recommend me to your friends?" "Yes, very much, but at the moment I don't know anyone I have anything against."
On a safari, the vacationer encounters a tiger. Fearfully someone asks the tour guide: "Isn't that dangerous?" - "No, don't worry, he's full!" - "How do you know that?" - "Because Mr. Huber is missing!"
Petra sits in a coffee shop in London and eats cake. The waiter comes, wants to clear away and asks: "Are you finish?" To which Petra replies: "No I'm Swiss".
Ms. Meier comes back from her vacation in Alaska and tells her friend: "You can't imagine how I was swarmed around." - "Oh yes, we had a mosquito plague there too!"
"Where are you going on vacation, Mr. Weber?" "By sight." - "Where is that?" - "I don't know either! But in the newspaper it always says: nice weather in sight."
An American is visiting Paris again after two years. He walks past the Eiffel Tower, shakes his head and says: "They have been drilling here for two years and still haven't found any oil!"
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