Where does the insight come from

Show remorse: what do you really regret?

Understanding is the first step towards improvement. A well-known proverb that has a lot of truth in it. Mistakes are not inherently bad. You can learn a great deal from it, develop yourself and your skills further, and do it differently and, above all, better if you try again. Before that, however, there is usually a strong feeling of remorse. We painfully realize that we have done something wrong. Honestly felt repentance is not a pleasant feeling, but it is an important phase in which you can learn a lot about yourself ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

Repentance: What Can We Learn From It?

We don't always recognize immediately that we made a mistake. Sometimes time has to pass and we have to get away from the situation to get the clarity that something really went wrong. Repentance is understanding that comes too late once said the Austrian lyric poet Ernst Freiherr von Feuchtersleben. If the repentance then sets in, it usually hits it very hard. At one stroke we become aware of the mistakes we have made, that we may have harmed others or betrayed our own principles.

As uncomfortable as this experience is: The positive effects predominate. First there is the realization: You are able to question your own actions and decisions and do so critically with an eye for your own weak points and missteps. Even so, you have enough confidence to admit the mistake. That alone shows a solid personality. The easier way would be to fool yourself and others and claim that you have not made a mistake ...

Showing remorse means taking responsibility for your own actions. This is classy! And insight is the first step towards improvement. For the next steps, you need the courage to apologize and change something.

The 3 phases of repentance

True repentance is not a snapshot, it is a process. It usually takes place in three typical phases, which can be individually different and also differ from one another in terms of duration. Anyone who regrets an action, a decision or a mistake will still go through each of them:

  1. Insight

    Every repentance process always begins with the phase of insight. First of all, you have to be aware that you did something wrong. Honesty towards yourself is the essential factor.

  2. regret

    The second phase is particularly painful: you regret what you did, wish you could undo it. Many are simultaneously looking for solutions to make amends for the damage they have caused.

  3. forgiveness

    The final phase is not about forgiveness from those around you, but also towards yourself. At the end of the repentance, you should be at peace with yourself and, in the best case, have learned something from the situation for the future.

Showing remorse brings enormous motivation

Remorse and motivation - at first glance, both have little in common. But not true. There can be great motivation out of remorse: The motivation to make it up to you; improve yourself; not make a similar mistake again and really learn from it. The uncomfortable feeling of shame and remorse - towards others or towards oneself - drives so many people to top performance. What was previously empty talk is finally being put into practice. There is less pretense and more action. Because now you are much more aware of the consequences.

In fact, repentance can be motivatingbefore this occurs. Strictly speaking, this is the fear of later repentance. Those affected usually ask themselves “What would have happened if ...?” Nobody wants to look back on their life and realize that they have remained below their potential or have missed opportunities - out of fear or cowardice. And it is precisely this regret and the look to the future that can provide a real motivational kick.

Repentance: What do we regret on our deathbed?

When it comes to repentance, many people ask themselves at some point: What could I regret on my deathbed? For most of them, it's not so much the things that we have done, but rather what we have not done or dared. The palliative nurse Bronnie Ware did a more extensive research and summarized it in her book “5 things that the dying regret most”. She herself has accompanied many patients on their last journey and found that repentance often focuses on similar things. Most often the dying regretted that ...

  • they met the expectations of others instead of being true to themselves.
  • they had worked too much.
  • they did not dare to express their feelings.
  • they have lost touch with their friends.
  • they have not indulged in more joy.

Why we make mistakes that we later regret

A positive attitude and openness to changes and innovations are the best prerequisites for taking mistakes in a sporty way. Instead of disappearing into self-doubt, worries and fears, a mistake can be viewed from a new perspective. Suddenly it only seems half as bad and regret about the wrong decision becomes the engine for the future.

Why that doesn't happen anywayand we make mistakes that we later regret for two main reasons:

  • myopia
    We prefer short-term success to long-term success. Better to have the sparrow in hand - now, quickly - than the pigeon on the roof. Quite a few even suppress the long-term consequences of your actions. Motto: It'll work out fine ... But it doesn't always work.
  • Ignorance
    Nobody knows the future. Nobody knows everything. Accordingly, we can take the wrong turn or draw wrong conclusions. In retrospect, we may have thought: “If only I had known that beforehand!” But it can never be completely prevented. After all: we can inform ourselves more carefully beforehand.

You may regret these mistakes later

Finally, we've put together a list of mistakes that most people might regret later on. Perhaps you will discover yourself in one point or another. Then you can prevent repentance by consciously doing it differently ...

  1. Do not set up a network

    A professional network can help with promotions, find you a vacancy, and provide you with vital information about industries and companies. However, it also takes a certain amount of effort to set up and maintain such a network. Network events, activities with the office neighbors or, first of all, small talk with colleagues from another department. This takes time and effort, but is worth it. Without vitamin B many professional doors will remain closed to you.

  2. Leave scorched earth behind

    Job changes are no longer uncommon these days. Many careers are not linear, but rather in a zigzag pattern. But what still applies: You always meet twice in life! So it would be a mistake to leave scorched earth everywhere and destroy bridges behind you that you may have to or want to cross again. Quite a few people have had to regret that.

  3. Be unfaithful to yourself

    Those who are unsure like to pretend to please others or not to disappoint them. Not a good idea. Sooner or later you will regret not being true to yourself. Not just because you lose respect for yourself just running popularity contests. In fact, you do not live YOUR life, but that of and for others.

  4. Make decisions just for the money

    In the short term, money can be extremely motivating. Everyone needs an income to support their lives and to fulfill a few wishes every now and then. But most will regret making a career decision just for the money. Reason: The job does not make them happy, nor does it bring them further or closer to their professional goal. The money is more like compensation for pain and suffering, which is supposed to have a numbing effect. But this only works as long as the dose increases steadily. Money alone does not make you happy.

  5. Surround yourself with the wrong people

    Always make sure to surround yourself with positive, nice people who are good for you. Toxic people, on the other hand, infect us with their negative thoughts and pull us down to themselves. We also see everything negatively faster than and is dear - and block numerous opportunities on the way to success.

  6. The fear of making mistakes

    It is a mistake to be afraid of making mistakes. They are part of life. And we often learn the most from them. So you might regret never taking a risk and always paying attention to safety. The best example: addressing an interesting person. Yes, you could get a basket. Maybe you will be laughed at. So what?! This is not the end of the world. Conversely, you can only win. So don't let your fears paralyze you. This remorse hurts the most later.

The best repentance sayings and quotes

  • "Repentance drives the weak to despair and makes the strong into a saint." (Marie Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach)
  • “A bad act torments us not the moment we commit it, but much later when we remember it.” (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
  • "Only those who repent will be forgiven" (Dante Alighieri)
  • "It is better to regret what you have enjoyed than to regret not having enjoyed anything." (Giovanni Boccaccio)
  • "Our repentance is not so much a regret for the evil we have done as a fear of its consequences." (François VI. Duc de La Rochefoucauld)
  • "What you knocked out of the minute does not return forever." (Friedrich Schiller)
  • “A wise man eschews repentance. He thinks about his action beforehand. "(Epicharm)

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March 12, 2021Author: Nils Warkentin

Nils Warkentin studied business administration at the Justus Liebig University in Giessen.On the career bible, he is devoted to topics related to studies, career entry and everyday office life.

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