Everyone with BPD is looking for love

Pull up and push away: What borderline does to a relationship

Do you think your partner could be borderline or do you recognize typical signs in yourself? Here you can find out how to recognize a borderline disorder and what borderline does to the relationship.

In the video: The typical signs of borderline

Video by Aischa Butt

What does borderline mean?

What is commonly referred to as borderline is correctly called borderline personality disorder (BPD) and is a serious mental illness.

The borderline clinical picture is not uniform, which is why the symptoms of those affected and their problems cannot be lumped together.

Basically, however, one can say that borderliners have a disturbed self-image and find it difficult to control their emotional world.

How is borderline personality disorder manifested?

The emotional state of someone with borderline can change very quickly from cheering sky high to saddened to death. All emotions are experienced very intensely, so emotional high phases are much more euphoric, depressive phases are much more dramatic. Hate and love, enthusiasm and total disappointment are very close to each other.

This hatred is also directed against themselves, so Boderliners often feel empty, useless and unlovable. Here a deep uncertainty is paired with very strong impulsiveness.

To compensate for the strong emotional fluctuations and to create relief, they tend to self-harming behavior (SVV), be it by scratching themselves with razor blades or broken glass, burning themselves with cigarettes or hitting the wall.

Eating disorders, anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide are also common.

How does borderline affect the relationship?

It's easy to imagine that the problems a person with borderline personality disorder has with themselves and their emotional world have a profound impact on their relationship. Unexpected changes in mood and a low tolerance for frustration, plus the constant fear of being abandoned or betrayed by the partner - this quickly puts the partnership to the test.

This makes it difficult for people with this personality disorder to have stable relationships. Especially since the partner is usually overwhelmed.

Also interesting:THAT is what happens when your partner has relationship anxiety

Borderline relationship between love and hate

Borderliners are usually very insecure people too. You are constantly alternating between self-love and self-loathing. Thus, they are also insecure when dealing with other people. You are afraid of being alone, want to be close to the other, but are also afraid of letting them get too close to you.

When they get to know someone, borderline people tend to idealize their new acquaintance. They are intoxicated with their new love. Therefore, they are usually very possessive and prone to jealousy.

Also read:10 ways you can destroy your partner's self-esteem

For example, if the partner has other friends he would like to meet, this quickly leads to conflicts, because the borderliner wants his partner all to himself.

At the same time, people with a borderline personality disorder are extremely quickly unsettled and suspicious. So if conflicts arise, the mood can quickly change. Then the excessive idolatry of the beloved partner can quickly turn into hatred.

How can a relationship with a borderliner work?

Anyone who is with someone with a borderline personality disorder will quickly reach their limits. Especially since most of those affected cannot get out of this disorder without professional help. So it is a misconception that it will just get better this way at some point.

It is therefore important that both of them do not gloss over the problem, but try to find solutions, ideally through therapy. The prerequisite is, of course, that the borderliner is ready to undergo therapy.

Important: Even if the emotional fluctuations and the self-harming behavior are usually completely incomprehensible to the partner, he should try not to react in an exasperated way, but to remain calm.

This is of course not always easy, because borderliners can also be very manipulative, tend to be aggressive and often threaten suicide if the partner leaves them or if they feel that they want to end the relationship.

Borderline: what is the treatment like?

Those affected can find help from psychotherapists, psychologists or a corresponding clinic. You should seek urgent professional help, especially if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm.

The therapeutic treatment can take place on an outpatient or inpatient basis. If there are thoughts of suicide, this is the first important point of therapy. Only then is an attempt made to get to the bottom of the causes of the personality disorder.

In a further step, those affected learn not to direct their frustration and aggression against themselves, i.e. to hurt themselves, but rather to compensate for it in a different way, be it with physical exhaustion during sport and with relaxation techniques.

Also interesting:Narcissism in Relationship: How to Know It and Act Right

Inquiry: What is behind the inability to have a relationship?

Video from the editorial team

So the partner can support

Because borderline is a fairly deep personality disorder, treatment can take years. Which requires stamina and strength from both partners.

Above all, the helping partner should take care of himself here, so that he is always looking for free space and time out to replenish his energy reserves. Because just as there is a co-dependency of the relatives in drug addicts, a co-dependency on the part of the partner can also often be observed in borderline syndrome.

If you have depression or thoughts of suicide, seek help. For example, the telephone counseling is anonymous, free and available around the clock. The telephone numbers are 0 800/111 0 111 and 0 800/111 0 222.

More tips on the topic:

You can also find more information about the disease here on the health portal onmeda.de.

Association that helps those affected find therapy places

Portal for relatives of borderliners

Forum for those affected and their families

Book tips for those affected and their families:

Alice Sendera, Martina Sendera: Borderline - The other way of feeling, Verlag Springer
Watch it now here on Amazon.

Jerold J. Kreisman and Hal Straus: I hate you - don't leave me. The black and white world of the borderline personality, Verlag Kösel
Watch it now here on Amazon.

Martin Bohus, Markus Reicherzer: Advisor Borderline Disorder: Information for those affected and their relatives. Publishing house Hogrefe
Watch it now here on Amazon.

Important NOTE: The information in this article is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for a doctor's diagnosis. If you are unsure or have urgent questions, you should contact a doctor, psychologist or therapist. Borderline is a serious disease that requires professional help.

Shared 187 times