Why do people hurt us

Why we let those we love hurt us

Why do we often hurt people who mean something to us and in return let them do the same to us?

Is it really that hard to avoid hurting the people we love most?

Also read:
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To the guy who wasn't ready to love me
The truth behind breaking up with someone you still love

Some things are worse than others, but even the smallest lies can turn out to be the most painful.

I think the lines are blurring here as to whether the pain in any form is intentionally inflicted or not.

Someone who purposely inflicts pain on you is not someone who actually gives something around you and loves you. Whoever really loves you is not going to do anything to hurt you on purpose.

Often times we hurt those we love because we are not where we should be within and it is holding us back.

We are therefore unable to either communicate our feelings or be constructive without overdoing things. I know this can be frustrating, but it seems true.

Sometimes we have seen things in our past that will make us react in the future in ways we might not be able to react.

Also read:
Maybe part of me will always love you - but maybe that's okay too
I can't make you love me if you don't want to
She loved you, but you ignored her

All of these things can contribute to our unconscious or unintentional harming our partners.

So what can we do to stop hurting those we love?

We all need to take responsibility for resolving and breaking free of our own emotional hurts from the past.

We need to learn how to make it safe for our partners to express their feelings.

We need to learn how to create a loving presence where we really listen and value our partner's point of view.

We need to learn how to express feelings in ways that bring us closer together, not ways that create more distance and hurt.

We may need to work a little together to understand how and why we are making one another react in hurtful and destructive ways.

We must respect the fact that in an intimate, committed relationship we have access to the most private and vulnerable aspects of each other's life.

Also read:
To the one who wasn't 'The One'
She didn't want to give up on you, but you gave her no choice
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We must view this as a sacred privilege that we treat with the utmost respect, rather than a legitimate claim to trample on for the satisfaction of our own ego.

We are all on a journey of awakening, and intimate relationships provide us with a powerful opportunity to see ourselves and our psychological and spiritual lessons more clearly.

We can hide from ourselves, our therapists, our bodies, our spiritual teachers, and our friends, but not from who we love and who loves us.

All of our stuff will come to light at some point through this mysterious and wonderful process we call love, and when it happens we can choose to defend ourselves, judge, attack and run away.

Or we can choose to be present, look inward with acceptance and love for ourselves, and feel gratitude that this aspect of ourselves has been revealed.

Also read:
I am slowly realizing that you no longer love me
I miss you in so many little things
He will miss you when he realizes that you no longer need him

Then we can clearly see that any part of us that hurts others is simply a part of us that needs more love.

From this perspective, we hurt the loved one so that we can learn to love ourselves and others unconditionally, deeply and comprehensively.

And by loving and healing ourselves, we ultimately also heal our partner's wounds because we make it safer for them to be themselves and experience the deeper unity and magic that only love can bring into our lives.

We must all try to grow as best we can to protect those who mean most to us and to live truly healthy lives with them.

For example, if you are not good at communicating your feelings, tell your partner that and see what can be done to help you open up to your partner more so that you can do better in the end.

Also read:
Maybe we're not meant to be one another, and maybe that's okay
Why you will never be enough for him
It's okay to miss him but not want to go back

Growth is necessary in such things and without it your relationship is doomed.

There are many cases when lovers can hurt the loved one without wanting to.

Love is a close and intense relationship. Lovers spend a lot of time together, and many of their actions have significant effects on each other.

Of course, under these circumstances, the lover can inadvertently injure the beloved.

In many cases, the by-product of enjoyable activity for one is an uncomfortable situation for the other.

The more time two people spend together, the greater the likelihood of such situations.

The great importance that loved ones have in our lives is that they are a source of both great joy and deep sadness; they can both do us good and hurt us.

The phenomenon of unwanted harm can also be explained by the fact that we relate to trust and honesty, which are fundamentally important in love.

Also read:
To my “almost relationship” - I need you to let go of me
I never thought I'd thank you for letting me go
Farewell will break them

Accordingly, politeness or good manners, which can prevent some types of insult, play a lesser role in such a relationship and lovers are less careful about what they say and do.

This opens up the possibility that one of the lovers could easily get hurt.

The price of being able to act freely without considering every consequence of your actions is saying and doing things hastily that can hurt your partner.

There are many cases where we inadvertently hurt our loved one due to external circumstances beyond our control.

Take the case of two lovers who are married to other people but deeply in love with each other.

The woman who is ready to get divorced may be hurt by the man's inability to leave his wife and believes this shows that his love for her is more superficial than her love for him.

Also read:
When she tries to love again but it still hurts
One day you will look for me in Everyone, but I will not be found
It's enough you're just afraid to commit

However, as much as the man wants to make you the happiest person in the world, his external circumstances are beyond his control and make him behave in ways that hurt you.

At the end of the day, it's always about focusing on growth and wanting the best for your partner, isn't it?

We should all be more willing to process the things that cause us to cause pain to people that mean something to us.

This will allow us to deal with this problem and maybe fix things before it's too late.

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