Can you really forget a narcissist?

Small instructions for use for narcissists

Outwardly they are sovereign, self-confident, articulate and cool - and revolve around one thing above all else: themselves. With otherwise successful conversation techniques and behaviors, one often comes across granite with narcissists. It is not uncommon for people to “work off” a narcissistic colleague or partner - partners of narcissists become chronically ill more often than other people. This is mainly due to the fact that narcissists constantly attack the self-esteem of their counterpart by devaluing them.


Narcissists “think” differently from others. In coaching sessions, people affected often ask me the following question:

How should I deal with the narcissist in my environment in such a way that he costs me the least nerves?

  1. Give up believing you can change the narcissist. He cannot and will not find his behavior wrong. The only thing you can change is your own attitude and behavior.
  2. Minimize contact as much as possible. Narcissists steal energy without giving it.
  3. Stop feeling guilty about yourself and stop looking for the problem in your own behavior.
  4. Lower your expectations. Do not expect a narcissist to really listen to you (he loves to hear himself talk) and above all, never expect thanks and appreciation from someone with a narcissistic stamp. Narcissists don't feel real compassion.
  5. Be aware of your boundaries and communicate them clearly and sustainably - narcissists tend to co-opt others for power.
  6. Don't trust the narcissist - they don't care about your feelings.
  7. Narcissists are calculating and often greedy. Therefore, always show him his advantages.
  8. Narcissists are predictable. They tend to use the same methods over and over again. This can make a narcissist's behavior predictable for you.
  9. The self-esteem of narcissists - even if it may appear different on the outside - is actually very low. If you want to get a narcissist on your side - express your admiration for him. He will absorb them like a dried-out sponge.
  10. Be careful with your own body language when dealing with narcissists. Go upright, breathing calmly, and confidently in critical conversations with narcissists.
  11. If a narcissist criticizes you, switch to “Teflon ear” and leave the comments without “liability”. Don't justify yourself. Your point of view doesn't interest him anyway.

One more thought at the end: With narcissists it is like with one of these sets in old western films: It looks impressive on the outside - but unfortunately there is nothing behind it. Poor narcissist.


* In this article, the male form has been chosen for the sake of readability - knowing full well that there are also female narcissists.


by Dipl.-Psych. Cordula Söfftge