Can you really forget a narcissist?
Small instructions for use for narcissists
Outwardly they are sovereign, self-confident, articulate and cool - and revolve around one thing above all else: themselves. With otherwise successful conversation techniques and behaviors, one often comes across granite with narcissists. It is not uncommon for people to “work off” a narcissistic colleague or partner - partners of narcissists become chronically ill more often than other people. This is mainly due to the fact that narcissists constantly attack the self-esteem of their counterpart by devaluing them.
Narcissists “think” differently from others. In coaching sessions, people affected often ask me the following question:
How should I deal with the narcissist in my environment in such a way that he costs me the least nerves?
- Give up believing you can change the narcissist. He cannot and will not find his behavior wrong. The only thing you can change is your own attitude and behavior.
- Minimize contact as much as possible. Narcissists steal energy without giving it.
- Stop feeling guilty about yourself and stop looking for the problem in your own behavior.
- Lower your expectations. Do not expect a narcissist to really listen to you (he loves to hear himself talk) and above all, never expect thanks and appreciation from someone with a narcissistic stamp. Narcissists don't feel real compassion.
- Be aware of your boundaries and communicate them clearly and sustainably - narcissists tend to co-opt others for power.
- Don't trust the narcissist - they don't care about your feelings.
- Narcissists are calculating and often greedy. Therefore, always show him his advantages.
- Narcissists are predictable. They tend to use the same methods over and over again. This can make a narcissist's behavior predictable for you.
- The self-esteem of narcissists - even if it may appear different on the outside - is actually very low. If you want to get a narcissist on your side - express your admiration for him. He will absorb them like a dried-out sponge.
- Be careful with your own body language when dealing with narcissists. Go upright, breathing calmly, and confidently in critical conversations with narcissists.
- If a narcissist criticizes you, switch to “Teflon ear” and leave the comments without “liability”. Don't justify yourself. Your point of view doesn't interest him anyway.
One more thought at the end: With narcissists it is like with one of these sets in old western films: It looks impressive on the outside - but unfortunately there is nothing behind it. Poor narcissist.
* In this article, the male form has been chosen for the sake of readability - knowing full well that there are also female narcissists.
by Dipl.-Psych. Cordula Söfftge
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