Are online dates really blind dates?
Blind Date: "I've met more than 100 women"
Jörg ter Veer was looking for a new partner after his divorce in his mid-40s. He tried a lot and had more than 100 blind dates. We talked to him about the best dating tips, 30+ parties and dildos in an interview.
Barbara.de: How did your book come about?
Jörg ter Veer: After my divorce, my life should be beautiful again, also when it comes to love. I then started dating online at a high rate - and that turned out to be quite turbulent. At some point I thought I'd write that down.
But you haven't dated directly online?
No, I've tried different things. My first attempt took place at an over 30s party. I had imagined it to be easy and relaxed, but it felt strange and terrible. Especially since I ran into a neighbor with her sister who was willing to couple right at the entrance. It was really the opposite of a relaxed Saturday evening. I went home relatively early.
"The jump into the deep end is part of the blind date"
Do you think that it is more difficult to find a new partner after a certain age?
No, I wouldn't say that across the board. On the one hand, of course, you have more experience and are more likely to know what you want and what you don't want. On the other hand, you have to have the courage to deal with new situations, of course, which also includes jumping into the deep end. You have to learn to take setbacks and build resilience.
You have often jumped into the deep end. How many dates did you have in total?
I didn't count them exactly because the whole thing was supposed to be much more short-term, but I must have had more than 100 blind dates in total.
What did you learn from it?
It's best to make a phone call before the first date and not write e-mails forever. I think you have to transfer online dating into real life as quickly as possible. Otherwise the mental cinema starts and you imagine things that are nonsense. The first date should be a short meeting, not a long, opulent dinner - otherwise you won't be able to get away afterwards. I was always able to tell very quickly from my gut whether the woman was an option for me. Over 90 percent of the women were really nice people, many contacts were promising, touching, and some also told me harrowing stories. I liked some of them, but it takes more to fall in love.
"It took me 40 dates to meet my first girlfriend"
But you haven't been discouraged.
After the first three months, I was already a bit exhausted after my preferred candidate refused. I had to take a deep breath. It took me about 40 dates to find my first girlfriend alone.
You now have the third relationship after your dating marathon that has lasted four years ...
Yes, it came about because we met twice. We already met a few years in advance as part of the search for a partner, but then it was probably the wrong time. She didn't mean to, I wasn't sure. Years later she discovered me again in another portal and wrote to me again without knowing that she actually already knew me. And then we realized that we were the right people for each other.
"The first blind date was bad"
It took a while until you found the right one. What was the worst date you had?
My first blind date. That was really bad, I now call the woman the "dildo biker". She also rode a bike - like me - I thought that was great. However, she already wrote to me in the third email that she was at a dildo party. At first I thought it was just bizarre that she should write something like this to me even though she doesn't even know me, but I didn't want to rate it. However, I could have known beforehand that she was not for me if we had spoken on the phone. Her very hoarse smoker's voice broke into exaggerated laughter after every other remark and then culminated in a rattling smoker's cough. That was terrible. And her photo had suggested youthfulness and esprit, but in reality she was staid and long-windedly told me her whole résumé. After that, I had a few more blind dates that made me shake my head, but the first date was by far the worst. Actually, I should have stopped after that, but I haven't.
If you were suddenly single: would you do so excessively online dating again?
Yes, I would register with a dating site again. I think you should really throw everything into the balance for a happy ending in love.
Jörg ter Veer was born in Düsseldorf in 1963 and lives in Heidelberg. Finding a partner was quite complicated for the father of two at the beginning between job, household and child, he is now a professional - and has been in a relationship for four years. He met his girlfriend while dating online. In 2017 his book "How to survive divorce" was published.
"We should get to know each other! A 99% true story about my breathtaking search for a partner after the divorce" costs 12.99 euros and was published in 2018 by Schwarzkopf & Schwarzkopf Verlag.#Subjects
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