Why are we marrying the wrong person

Is It Possible to Marry the Wrong Person?

There are different perspectives on this question. To say that one married the "wrong person" implies that there is the only "right" person we are meant to be. If we marry the "wrong" person, we fear that we have messed up God's plan for our lives. Then we may be tempted to "correct" our mistake in ways that do not honor God. We can certainly make wrong choices about marriage and disregard God's guidance about whom we marry. However, if we consider the superiority of God, then we cannot marry the "wrong" person. God has a plan for our lives and can make good our wrong choices and make them good in the end (Romans 8:28) Once married, we are expected to do everything in our power to honor God with that marriage. Whether or not a particular spouse is the "wrong" choice, marriage is a covenant. God is capable of transforming even the worst marriage into a relationship that honors Him.

According to the Bible, a Christian should seek a different believer as a spouse, someone who has a commitment to follow Jesus similar to that of oneself. Marriage to an unbeliever is not an option for a believer (2 Corinthians 6:14). So when a Christian marries a non-Christian, he / she has actually married the wrong person because it has violated God's will.

There are other ways to marry the wrong person. For example, marrying someone who is abusive, immature, selfish, or unreliable ends up in trouble. Marrying someone with untreated addictions or unrepentant sins is also a poor choice.

What are the reasons why people marry the wrong person? Some fall into the belief that the power of their love alone will change the other person so that he / she is no longer abusive, immature, selfish, or unreliable. Some are blinded by initial attraction to the partner and fail to realize the problems in their relationship. Some are manipulated by the other by appearing different before marriage and changing or showing their true colors after the wedding. Other cases are couples who are simply not ready for marriage. They underestimate the sacrifice it takes to live with another person. No doubt, the reasons for marrying the wrong person are many and unique to each couple.

Culture, too, could lead someone to marry the wrong person. In many societies marriage is seen as a temporary arrangement that can be resolved at any time at will. Since divorce isn't a big deal in some cultures, getting married isn't a big deal either. Too many people make marriage vows with no real obligation to their spouse or to God. Marriage is advertised in the world as a fantasy designed to meet all needs - here the emphasis is on fulfilling one's needs, not those of the spouse. Conventional, worldly wisdom says that if the marriage gets into trouble or a spouse is no longer feeling well, they should get a divorce - and the laws in many places make divorce very easy. Instead of working seriously on their problems, many couples with problems decide that they no longer love each other and end the marriage.

If someone realizes they have married the wrong person, what then? First, if a believer willfully disobey God's instruction in 2 Corinthians 6:14, repentance and confession of sin before God are required. Then the forgiven sinner should seek to make the best of the situation and seek healing of the relationship (see 1 Corinthians 7: 12-14; Ephesians 5: 21-33). If the situation is dangerous to either the spouse or the children, then separation is appropriate. It is important to seek advice from a pastor or Christian counselor (marriage counseling). While the Bible allows divorce in certain circumstances, it should never be the first option. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37) and he can make beauty out of ashes (Isaiah 61: 3). A Christian who has made a wrong choice in choosing a spouse may find that God desires to turn a bad marriage into a good one (see 1 Peter 3: 1-2). The power of God can turn the "wrong" person into the "right" person.

How can you avoid marrying the wrong person? Benjamin Franklin's oft-quoted joke is good advice: "Open your eyes wide before the wedding and half-close afterwards."Poor Richard's Almanac, June 1738), but it is even more helpful to seek God's kingdom and his righteousness first (Matthew 6:33). Some first look for a partner and God's righteousness falls behind. A single should focus on becoming the person God wants him / her to be and commit to only dating strong and growing Christians. To avoid mistakes it is necessary to heed God's Word (Luke 11:28), seek godly advice, pray for wisdom (James 1: 5) and be honest with God and others.


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Is It Possible to Marry the Wrong Person?
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